Everything is just scaring me right now, everything hit me all at once..
Everyday seeing my dad getting weaker and weaker from his condition tears my heart apart, and the fact that my mom gets busier at work so she’s stressed and physically wearing down all the time weakens me too..not only that, but with ACT’s coming up soon and trying to figure out what I’m gonna be set to do in the future, it all overwhelms me immensely. It’s a terrible feeling to have that you can’t do as much as you’d like for your own family, financially and physical help wise…that’s why I’m so stressed to get a perfect score on the test, so I can at least ease off some heavy-load on my family.
"If only I were older and did better" seems to roll off my tongue often.
God if you may, please listen to my heart’s prayer…not for me, but for my family…they’re the only ones that I have until I start my own..please let everything settle down, or for me to be able to help them in any way possible..let me be your tool to help them.
Ah…prayers would be greatly appreciated..

Back to the last post, here’s a little gratitude letter for a certain someone. 
Hello you, it’s been about a week since we’ve last talked, but it felt like a much longer time.
Well, I’ve already told you how thankful I am that we’ve been through our pathway of both happiness and pain. Here’s something I’m greatly thankful to you for: for letting me go. Yes, it was painful and even now, it still continues to sting a bit, but I’ve grown to accept the situation and understand your reasoning. Thing is, there’s so much more maturing that I need to do, before I ever consider dating someone else. These past 3 years, my faith has weakened greatly and my focus on God has become fazed. If you hadn’t let me go, we may have been in so much more hurt than what we’ve already felt. So, thank you for praying and thank you for caring enough to let us go. It would be great to be with you again haha, but we don’t know that. 
Hope you’ve been doing well, and your foot isn’t in pain…looks so painful omg, but see you when you come back home (maybe)! 

I don’t even know how to begin this post, but here it is.
I’ve lost God in my heart so much, and it didn’t even hit me until today. Honestly, everything that’s been stressing me out and all my worries were lifted off my shoulder. Everything I’ve ever regretted and was hurt from, it’s been released. To be completely honest, I haven’t loved myself, not since the start of high school, so how could I love someone else? How could I love God? While trying to find someone else to fill that empty void I felt, more and more everything became confusing. My relationships after high school started ended in failure, and all this time I just said it was because he and I had different goals. It wasn’t even that, it was God telling me I’m not ready to love someone else when I don’t even love myself, I don’t even love God. Losing focus on Him and concentrating on the worldly joys of other people, it was wrong. He should be priority and He should be my leaning shoulder.
Even though it’s been a difficult 3 years, and maybe a bit late…it’s needed that I go back to Him and focus on Heaven. 
Jeremiah 29:13.
The first time I learned that bible verse was at the KCUMC winter retreat in 2010. Who knew it would reflect now. 
Tears were no doubt shed today lol, I’ve never bawled like I did today…ever..but, rejoice comes after every pain. 


If I dont respond to your insult it means what i wanted to say was too mean and I decided to let you live

Hahaha this is too true

Become friends with people who aren’t your age. Hang out with people whose first language isn’t the same as yours. Get to know someone who doesn’t come from your social class. This is how you see the world. This is how you grow.

(via pnko)